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| Happy Birthday to Me! |
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| The Inspiration Behind this Post |
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| My Posse (a.k.a. My Favorite Peeps) |
The theme of the weekend was rest & relaxation! And, of course, to do it in style....After a lot of research months in advance, I was fortunate enough to have found a house on the beach beautifully furnished with a great view. There was plenty of lounging, eating, grilling, drinking, lounging, eating, grilling, drinking, etc...you get the gist. And, we made sure to make full utilization of the hot tub, as well!
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| This was me at 5 years-old |
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| This is me at 29 years-old |
Birthdays - it brings such mixed emotions for me every year. A time for celebration; a time to reflect; one year older, one year wiser (hopefully); a time to evaluate and measure how much has been accomplished; a reminder of so much left still yet to be achieved; and, how much one has grown from the past year's lessons.....While every year I recall all the good things that have happened to me in the past 12 months, along with all the not-so-good things, I'm always led to the same conclusion: We waste too much time focusing on the not-so-good and we end up falling into the vicious cycle of taking things and people in our lives for granted. And, while this is a lesson I seem to have to re-learn every year, it does get easier to recognize it with each year I get older -- I guess that's what they call "growth and maturity." If I ever needed to have this emphasized and reinforced to me, boy did I get my dose of "life's lessons" as I look back on 28....
This year's birthday marked an even more significant milestone for me -- it was my first birthday post-cancer. 9 months ago, my doctors found a tumor in my thyroid gland that turned out to be cancerous. It was very treatable and the surgery went smoothly, and today, I'm fully recovered physically. However, I find myself still very much so in the healing process everyday since the diagnosis. And, while my closest family and friends have known about this since the beginning, this posting marks the first time I'm going on the record publicly about my cancer -- another step towards healing...It's fitting to use this blog to "go on the record," as this blog was created as a result of my healing process. The travel and adventures this year have been a great way to help stretch myself to overcome challenges and experience life to the fullest...
Two days ago, I had my first follow-up appointment since my cancer treatment. Part of me was dreading to see the doctor, for fear of bad news again. On the other hand, I was full of anticipation and eager to have the doctor clear me with a clean bill of health. Expectations, expectations, expectations....It turned out to be a 20 minute visit where my doctor said in a very monotone, nonchalantly "your blood test came back zero indication of any remaining cancerous cells, but..." there's ALWAYS a but, "the presence of a certain antibody in your system makes the result not so accurate, so we can't assume it's zero, but you are where I expect you to be right now. See you in six months." That was all the "reassurance" I was going to get from the doc. There was no bad news, but there was no happy, emphatic, "you're cleared" signal, either....Yet again, life's telling me I can't have "perfect," and to start accepting the fact that I have to live with the ambiguity that cancer is with this wait-and-see approach going forward....As a colleague once said to me, "this is your mustard stain on your white tux; the trick is to walk around showing that the mustard stain is supposed to be there..."
As I'm slowly learning with this cancer thing, there is no perfect. I didn't get the absolute answer from my doctor; there was no black & white, yes-or-no you have a problem or not verdict. I'm going to have it hanging over my shoulder going forward apart of my life, but I can't let it consume me either chasing for a clear-cut answer, and I certainly don't want to be looking for a bad prognosis....
So, where does this all leave me? There's always going to be good and bad, all the ambiguity, so choose to focus on the good things to try to overcome the urge to take things for granted, because we don't have a limitless amount of time here.
How does this all tie back to my weekend celebration with friends in P-Town? To my near-and-dear friends who were with me, thanks for a great weekend. While we had some "hiccups," the good times overwhelming made the weekend as close to perfect as possible in an imperfect reality....Whether it was a weekend in P-Town or in general, I guess those "hiccups" are there to remind us to appreciate even more the good times when they roll around....If everything was always so perfect, how would we ever differentiate between what's good and not good? You'd just end up taking everything for granted. While I sound like I "get it" here, believe me, it's still very much a work-in-progress!
In the spirit of choosing to celebrate the good things in life, I think I was able to improve my champagne-popping skills as I rang-in age 29...there was plenty of bubbly to go around....
And, I can't thank my friends enough for not just coming out to celebrate with me in P-town, but for cheering me on all this time through the cancer and everything....You guys are the best. And, I love the scrapbook of this blog! Incredibly thoughtful....
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| "12 by 12 in 2012" Scrap Book |
Thanks again for helping me make birthday #29 a very awesome few days for me -- not sure how I'm going to be able to top this next year....Cheers!
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| You Guys are the Best! |
That was simply put, a beautiful post. I am proud of you for writing this as I know it must not have been easy to let it out in a public space. It's pretty ironic your birthday falls pretty much exactly at the midway point within this 12 month goal of traveling. You are halfway there but have already experienced priceless moments and I can't wait to hear what the next 6 months have in store for you. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteLisa
Wonderful post. Very impactful. I a couple tears while reading....talk soon!
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